Wednesday, April 8, 2009

"...I'm doing my best."

Ever feel like your best just isn't good enough?

I feel like that more than I would care to... Our life on this planet is a crazy thing, I guess. God never gives us more than we can handle, but according to people we come in contact with, it seems like we're not capable of handling all we're responsible for.

Negative things don't bother me anymore, but hearing them from people I care about... I won't even front: It hurts sometimes. It could be a family member, relative, close friend... Any of the above. At 21, I couldn't care less what a stranger says about me. After all, I hear something new everyday:

"Your teeth are too big."
"Your skin is too light."
"You're too soft."
"You're too nerdy."

But when someone you care about or respect says something to you... It's different. It actually stings.

One thing I don't take lightly is when people who supposedly care about me and know question my ambition, my hunger, or my initiative towards creating a better life for me and those around me. I don't want anyone's sympathy, but I am getting too old to keep being modest about everything I do or don't do.

I usually wake up at 6 o' clock Monday through Friday and 8 o' clock on the weekends. I usually don't go to bed until midnight, or whenever I feel like everything at home (on top of everything else) is done. Whichever comes first. I clean and organize things with a spirited fervor; I guess that comes from being around military people all my life. I'm a stickler for details; when I iron my dress clothes they have to be sharply-creased. My dress shoes have to be shone to the point they begin to gleam like Waterford crystal.

I always have something to write with on me, be it a pen or pencil, and will take notes with either hand (however legible they may be) just to make sure I got a phone number, address, e-mail, or website down. I constantly keep track of military time even when I don't wear a watch. I'm always reading something, be it a magazine, newspaper, book, or just the nutrition facts on the back of a food product.

My point is, I'm not just some romantic who thinks his dream is going to magically appear out of thin air. I don't know what some people's perceptions of me are, but I can be extremely pragmatic and objective. I'm working hard to be the best person I can be.

"...I'm doing my best."

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