It's been a few months since I've really given any updates on how things have been going in my personal life, in addition to my musical and writing aspirations. Bearing that in mind, I might as well bring everyone up to speed.
I'm very excited about how consistent I have been at producing tracks over the course of the last few months. (For emphasis, I've made as many beats in the last three months as I have in the last three years, which is saying something considering I try to come away with something each time I start a "session.") I've also began a habit of writing my thoughts down in my composition book every Sunday night, which serves as much as a "Week In Review" as something to help give me an outline for my plans for each coming week.
As far as writing poetry and verses, the ideas I have in my head are evanescent, so if I can't get to my notebook fast enough, they usually fade away. It's nothing to finish writing a song, but it's hard to finish doing something if you never started doing it in the first place. I haven't given up though, because like the Greatest (Basketball Player) Of All Time Michael Jordan said, "I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying." And to look at it in perspective, when I make beats they capture my emotions at that moment I make them, whereas my songs and verses are more so my emotions turned into series of concise similes and metaphors. Sometimes they're just my thoughts about things that have been on my mind for a long time.
As far as my life goes, a lot of things have changed for the better. I've gotten closure on a lot of things that had previously been weighing me down, both mentally and emotionally. It should come as no surprise, but I'm a better person for it. My parents always put it best: You can't help somebody if you aren't taking care of yourself, and that seemed to be the reason why I did a lot of things this last year or so. Then it hit me: I was just using that as excuse for not taking care of my own business. I remember my Dad telling me to be selfish my senior year of high school. Be selfish, I thought. Isn't that a bad thing?
Not in the way that he meant it. Selflessness is one of the best characteristics a person can possess, but it is all too often that our efforts to help others are in vain, or even worse, we get taken advantage of by someone we thought to be better. It's because of this that I've cut a lot of dead weight from my life. As I'm getting older, I'm learning that it's not a bad thing to tell people "no" sometimes, and that it's not a bad thing to be underestimated. In fact, that's one of the things that gives me "Beautiful Bliss," as the title of the Wale collaboration with J. Cole and Melanie Fiona goes. I can relate to each person on that track in one way or another, but bliss can come from anywhere, person, or thing. Sometimes it just comes from knowing that your efforts to make it to the big time haven't been in vain.
For me, "Beautiful Bliss" as an actual thing that can be experienced is knowing that I give thanks to God for putting me at this point in my life. I've experienced my share of strife this year, but I'll end this entry with a bar I've been holding in: "Y'all can have 2009 / Because 2010 is mine." Knowing that I'm navigator of my future is what makes that something for me to keep in mind. This past year has been a tough one, so I know for a fact that bar is going to have to be the truth. After all, when you're at the bottom, all you can do is go up.