I've been busy enough to be so tired in the last month or so that I've been using more of my free time to catch up on sleep and rest than anything. With work being what it is, I usually just chill on my days off and work on personal paperwork and things like that. Perhaps most telling is me enjoying one of my worst vices (and distractions) reality television.
I know most of the stuff is scripted, but every now and then I'll watch something that's actually thought-provoking. There was this one show on the other night, when a fairly young celebrity was receiving advice from his Dad, and ultimately, insight about love. He pretty much said that when you find that person you're going to be in love with, you know it. Considering the fact that I've never really found myself in love, I pondered what it would be like to be in such a hypnotizing state.
As I continued to think to myself, many different reasons came to mind. I've never really been fond of commitment, and have myself attracted (and sometimes attractive) to all kind of different girls. But as much as that might be the case, I've never really been in love with any one of them, to the point where I'd want to spend an eternity with these girls...
Except for one.
I can talk about her days and probably will in another entry, but she was the first girl to come to mind when I thought about actually entering a serious relationship in the near future. I called her the other night and woke her up; she had class the following morning and wanted me to call her back the following night. To emphasize how excited I was to get a chance to talk to her that night, you would think I didn't work a menial job for way less than I should probably get paid.
We talked about a lot of different things, like our future plans, what we had been up to lately, and each other... But then I brought up some of my thoughts on love and relationships, and told her I felt ready for a relationship but couldn't think of anyone where I was at that I was really feeling. In reality, I want to be with her, and she told me she missed me when I said I missed her... But we're a time zone apart. Just talking as friends, she told me that I shouldn't worry about about girls right now because they're distractions.
I asked her if she thought she was a distraction, and she asked me if I thought she distracted me? I laughed and told her no, but I had to admit she stayed on my mind a lot.
I guess my point in writing all this, is to pose these questions: How do you know when you're in love, and what does it feel like? The girl in question means a lot to me, but I want to see things from all angles...